Written on 02/14/2011
Ok. There’s only been about 1000 happenings since my last blog that I haven’t blogged about. One being my 27th birthday. Ew. Not a big fan of seeing those #’s.
Ok. So yeah. I am promising a nice lengthy fully detailed blog this evening after I celebrate a delicious Valentines dinner with my wonderful Valentine (don’t tell Vin) at one of my favorite restaurants, La Capitale.
But until this I need to let out a HUGE blog SCREAM! Ready!?
Pee’d my pants a bit.
Ok. I Stinking LOVE The Pioneer Woman. She’s pretty much everything every woman wants to be. She’s amazing. Her blog is wonderful and inspiring, she has recipes that make my mouth water before I even see them, she is an amazing photographer and she’s just cool.
She does photography contests here and there and will give out a “Photo Topic” for people to submit their photos. This time it was “Love” hence the fact that it’s Valentine’s week. I love submitting my photos. I NEVER even imagine her choosing one I just enjoy being a part of the fun.
Here’s the exciting part. I submit a photo I took of this lovely couple last Summer. I check the photo picks for day one. Not there. Nor did I really expect it. I mean come on! I do love seeing the photos she picks though. They are truly captivating!
Day two. In the midst of chaos and lunch time in my home I take a quick break from changing a hugely poopy diaper and my other daughter asking for cookies to take a peek at my google reader. I see “Group 2” on the Pioneer Woman’s blog so I very casually check it out and….
Holy be-jeezes! THERE’S MY LITTLE OL’ PICTURE! I pooped a little, screamed a little, danced a lot, burned my hand while trying to finish cooking grilled cheese sandwiches, had food in one hand and my phone in the other trying to text my hubby…. ok you get the picture. I was excited.
Out of over 150,000 photos submitted she liked mine. She put it on her blog, second from the top.
So please, share in my excitement and go on over to her blog and check out the Group 2 photos. Second photo down by keshasflickr.
One other little tid bit that makes this so much more special… it was my Dad’s birthday. I can’t help but feel emotional and extremely thankful for such a wonderful gift to take my mind away from missing my Dad so bad.
Thank you Ree. You made this simple girls day!
Written on 02/01/2011
Even with a cold, my little 24/7 ballerina doesn’t stop dancing. She dances and dances and dances. She twirls here, and she twirls there. Isla tries to copy Cohen’s slick moves but usually ends up falling into a sharp corner. I’m so encouraged by her joy and when I look at her dancing without a care in the world I am inspired to love her even more madly than I already do.
I am reading a great book suggested by one of my readers. It’s convicting in the most hurtful way but it’s good for me. I need a kick in the butt when it comes to raising two wonderful little girls. I find myself falling into “poor me” way too often. My life’s focus should be about raising my girls to know and love Jesus, and more importantly showing them His love. That’s not always easy when my patience is worn so thin I can hardly even stand to hear the word “mom” come out of their mouths because I know it means, “I need something”
Obviously they need something. They need everything. They’re helpless without me and they deserve everything I have to give them. All my sweet girls do is love me. No matter what, they show me love. They aren’t tough, they don’t lash out, they just give me immense love. All I can do is pray I can love them in the same way.
There is something so special about Cohen. (There’s something special about both my girls but I’m giving Co the spotlight today)
She is so outgoing. She makes a new friend wherever she is. The moment we arrive anywhere she’s scoping out her next BFF. She’s extremely sensitive and kind. She’s a huge encourager and is always affirming both Vin and me with her encouraging words.
“Mom, thank you so much for cleaning!”
“Dad, you are so handsome.”
You get the picture. And she’s not even old enough to “want” things so I truly believe this is a spiritual gift I see in her. I want to build her up and help her blossom.
I found out recently a sweet 18 month old baby from our church, whose mother I am friends with, became very ill very suddenly. He was transferred to Doernbecher. He was there for days, exhausted, sick, weak, his life was in the hands of the Doctors. His mom had no idea if these were her last moments with his sweet presence. Luckily he is ok. They tested for leukemia and are 90% sure it’s just a bad virus that spread into his blood. But what about the 10%? My mind and heart have been consumed by this situation. I pray and pray and pray for God’s loving mercy on baby Isaac. I beg God to heal his tiny body and allow his mother to raise him up to be a godly man. I pray for my kids, that God would show me mercy and protect them from this very happening.
The truth is, I am in the midst of a war zone. I see tragedies happen to people I know all the time, specifically with their children. I am not invincible nor are my children. I could wake up one day and get the news no mother can even bear to think of. All that matters in life is love. Loving God, loving your children, loving life etc. We waste so much time, money and energy on stuff to make us happy. Our lives should be happy because God has shown us mercy today. We aren’t ever guaranteed tomorrow.
So, go kiss your babies, your husband and thank God for His goodness, mercy and protection.
Sing like no one’s listening, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching, and live like its heaven on earth.
Written on 01/16/2011
I’m a bit of a dreamer. I look forward to things to help me get through day after day. Whether it be an impending vacation, or purchase for my home it’s a way for me to look beyond the mundane and see hope. It might sound shallow but I think any human, especially a woman, does this to some degree. I know I’ve complained to Vin countless times that I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Then I am on a mission to create something to look forward to.
I wish I could see Christ this way. I wish I could really, truly long for heaven. I feel like because earth is all I know and understand I long for things here. I look forward to saving up for a new purse, or I look forward to a vacation with Vin. Which I don’t believe any of these things are bad to look forward to but I do believe I must long for heaven first. I think I am afraid if I allow myself to fall completely and fully in love with the idea of heaven and what I can do to better Christ’s kingdom I will lose myself. I will no longer live in my little safe robotic bubble. I’m afraid of the conviction I will feel and where it will lead me. I am afraid of losing my treasures on earth and exchanging them for treasures in heaven. I am afraid of how how involved I’ll get in the battle for Christ and heaven. I’m afraid to lose control.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Did you read that last part…
“Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”
Yep. A knife straight to the heart. Conviction city.
Where and what is your treasure? It truly does lead to your heart. And I know for me I have way too many treasures on earth.
Written on 01/14/2011
A psalm of David.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walkthrough the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
I read my blog over and over, and I kinda cringed each time. I do want to be honest with my feelings and emotions and I want to show other moms how God works in my life as a mom. I’d like to say though,
Shame on me.
Not for puking my emotions all over my blog but for allowing them to get to a point where I am blinded by the lies satan loves to throw at me and I am unable to see what goodness and richness surround me.
The reason I feel the way I do some days is because I allow myself to drift from God’s hand and I begin to fall down a rough and rocky cliff. I begin to believe a lie that my life would be better if… or I would be happier if… etc. In 24 hours God has grabbed me and He has gently laid me down in a lush green pasture. For a moment He allowed my mind to be free from the garbage and the selfishness. He poured feelings of forgiveness, love, peace and strength into my spirit. For a moment I saw what my life is and not what I have made it according to my rocky emotions. I believe God loves me and He wants me to experience all the joy that is available in my life, right now. Which is a lot.
All He asks of me is to trust Him. All He asks of me is to lay my emotions and feelings of sadness, stress, anxiety at His feet. He wont force His mercy upon me. It’s my choice to receive it each and every day.
I love this verse in Lamentations 3:22-23.
The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
Being a mother, I truly could not ask for a better opportunity to trust God and receive His gentle loving kindness. He has put me in a place of reliance on Him and I am grateful. If my life were easy I wouldn’t need to embrace God so much and in turn I feel as though I would really be missing out on a huge chance to grow closer to Him and become the godly woman He desires.
I’m learning and I’m so thankful for the amazing friends who read this blog and support me, even if I seem like a lunatic.
Written on 01/13/2011
Can we balance a job outside the home and also be a “full” time mom effectively? When a mom works outside the home, she is in a sense allowing someone else to raise her child. She no longer becomes the first care taker, she becomes the second care taker. She leaves her job at home to fulfill another job. But, is it unbiblical to leave your children to go work outside the home?
On the flip side, I know a lot of stay at home moms who feel depressed, taken for granted, disrespected, unappreciated, etc. The thought of escaping life at home to a place where you feel respected, appreciated, effective, where you can actually engage in adult conversation, forget about the stress and worries at home and do something you enjoy is unbelievably tempting and easily justified because of the money and the fact that it “makes me a better mom.” I find this way of life very tempting. I do believe I would be a better mom if I could get out of my house and pursue a job that I felt more confident at. But, Is it OK with God? Are we avoiding the huge job he has given us when we chose to have children?
When we choose to stay home with our kids we literally hand our life, our plans, our dreams and our worries to God. We live every day trusting God to keep us sane and joyful. We are put in such a place that forces us to rely on God unlike any other circumstance. It’s the hardest job in the world for a reason. Whether you’re Spunky Sally, Joyfull Jill, Depressed Deb, or Tired Tina. This job is the hardest job for any mother when you completely give up your own life to do it.
I believe it is meant to be the most rewarding, fulfilling, joyful job in the world when we are doing it with Christ in mind. When we choose to be a stay at home mom to serve God it becomes a full time ministry. Even allowing God to make staying home and raising kids feel like an incredible blessing seems as hard as staying home!
A lot of days I want a job so I can escape. I envy my friends who have a job and do escape. Their days at home are filled with happiness, contentment, fun, etc. They are rejuvenated and ready to be home with their kids because they aren’t so burned out from being with them every second of every day. It’s like they know they have a light at the end of the tunnel when their work week starts up again. *wiping the drool on my chin
Me. I wake up each morning to two children who are usually grumpy and crying about something. And there’s no guarantee I will even smell fresh air that day. Usually my only adult conversation is when my husband comes home or if my Mom calls me. I fight feelings of depression, anxiety, guilt, frustration towards my kids, bitterness towards my husband for getting to go to a job (Darn him for providing for his family, right?) And I whine and complain about all the dreams I had before my children came and messed up my potential life.
When I get out to run errands, I’m even tempted to snag an application for Safeway. Even checking people’s groceries seems way more satisfying than being home with my kids 24/7. I imagine chatting with customers, making new friends with my co-workers, feeling like I matter a little for doing something, hearing “thank you” on a regular basis.
I do dream about owning a business someday, or going back to school once my kids are in school. My biggest question is if God is ok with it. How will I know?
I hope I didn’t offend anyone on this blog. I respect every mother, working full time in the home or mixing work outside the home and inside the home. I know there are a ton of moms who would die to stay home full time, and I feel badly when I complain about my time at home with my kids. But, we are all different, we handle life differently. God leads us in different paths and works in different ways in our lives. I’m sure I glamorize working outside the home as much as a working mom glamorizes staying home full time. The one thing I want is to know what is right to God.
Why is it so hard to see what God wants of me? Or even more, why is it so hard to trust Him? To be still before Him.
Written on 01/10/2011
I love coffee. I love waking up and enjoying a hot cup of the liquid pleasure. How often I actually enjoy a hot cup is unknown. This morning a hot cup of coffee with delicious cream was my only motivation for getting out of my warm bed and walking downstairs to make breakfast for the girls and clean up the mess left from the night before. (By the way, am I the only one who seems to have FOOD crumbs ALL over their carpet on an hourly basis? My vacuum is definitely not going hungry)
I sluggishly walked down stairs, turned on the cartoons, tripped on several toys and miscellaneous sippy cups on my way into the kitchen, said a few light profanities in my head, reached for my ‘I heart Mom’ mug and proceeded to brew my cup-o-joe only to find when I went to grab the half and half that we were OUT. Crap……. Erghh. Whole milk it is. I even started to pout a little and whine to Cohen about how not cool whole milk is in coffee. This really helped.
I grabbed my coffee and began to walk towards my comfy chair trying to dodge direct eye contact from Isla coming at me with her blanky in hand and thumb in her mouth. This is cute and all but a big baby wiggling around on my lap kinda cramps my style of trying to drink a nice fresh HOT cup of coffee effectively and thoroughly. I was unsuccessful. We snuggle for a few minutes. I sit and watch the steam rising off my coffee slowly begin to diminish. My eye’s get big. Isla decides she sees something more entertaining than my lap and slides off to make a mess with a fork and bowl of crusted brownie bits. What’s a few more crumbs on my carpet? I sit down. I notice Isla walking out of the closet drinking a mysterious beverage. I yelp, she drops it, it spills. Cohen is begging for some milk because she’s thirsty. Isla starts choking. Cohen spilled her milk. Isla has my iphone and drops it on the wood floor. Cohen wants to watch Diego saves the baby Condor. I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Ah!
Martha Speaks captures the attention of the two little drama queens. Alas! I can drink that coffee I just brewed about 10 minutes ago!
I’m off to the microwave!
But first to the bathroom to see why the toilet paper is creeping from around the corner!
This face speaks a thousand words.
Cohen mad at me taking her picture. She’s definitely my daughter!My lonely coffee… getting colder by the second.
Crusted brownie and fork.
Written on 01/04/2011
I don’t usually enjoy waking up early. I would much rather hit snooze 10 times and sleep in as long as possible. Today I woke up to say goodbye to Vin as he left for work and decided I would just enjoy the peace that morning had to offer. Both girls are still asleep, which is rare around here, and coffee and yogurt were calling my name.
God’s sunrise this morning was breathtaking. It changed too fast for be to catch it at it’s best but I managed a picture of the colors that shot across the sky. It’s hard to see something this beautiful and not want to stay up!
Today will be a day of adjusting back into a routine. Cohen heads back to school. Isla and I will have our mornings together again. We miss our little spunk on these mornings but I know she’s always having such a great time at school. I’m determined to get back into a normal healthy eating habit. I took a plunge off the deep end during the holiday season and by the looks of my derriere it’s time to replace my chocolate and cookies for salad and chicken.
Vin and I did a weight lifting class last night. It’s an hour of repetitive reps with weights and lunges. Wow. That pretty much kicked my booty. I had a pretty hard time walking down the stairs this morning! The pain is good though, and it’s a start to a new healthy year. I want to continue this trend of working out until it’s something I can’t live without! The girls went into the little gym child care. It was a little stressful as there were a TON of kids in there. It is the new year so everyone is back at the gym. It’s kinda funny. Isla cried and grabbed hold of my sweater as if I was handing her off to a butcher! That was not so funny. It made it difficult for me to enjoy my time at the gym but she quickly calmed down and apparently had an ok time. Cohen on the other hand made herself right at home. When I went to pick them up she had dressed herself from head to toe in gowns galore. Isla came walking up to me with a very intense glare. I could hear her mind telling me,
“Don’t you ever think of leaving me here again. You hear me?”
Hopefully when she’s a Mommy she will understand the importance of her “mommy time”. Even if it means leaving her kids in the care of trained professionals for an hour.
I feel refreshed today and I pray God uses this mindset to help me get a lot done. There’s not much better than a joyful productive day.
Kesha.Can I just say drinking from a Hawaiian coffee mug REALLY makes drinking coffee so much better?
*sigh. Someone take me back to Hawaii. Pretty please!
Written on 12/31/2010
Let me start by saying. Where on EARTH does the time go? I swear part of getting older means time flies by faster. Cohen is 3 1/2, Isla is 18 months and I am almost 23! (ok, I’m almost 27 but 23 sounds so much cuter).
This was our second Christmas in our home. We’ll most likely be hosting the festivities from here on out. I am completely fine with this tradition. I truly believe I was born with a specific “hosting” gene. I wouldn’t complain if we celebrated somewhere else once in a while like say in Hawaii or something like that, but for the most part I enjoy this tradition for my family and now for my girls.
I love when my family gathers together to eat, celebrate, play music and laugh. I’m lucky to have my family so close. No one is really so far they couldn’t hop in their car and head on over. Vin on the other hand, his are all the way in Canada! We don’t get the luxury of seeing them on the Holidays but we did get to have Vin’s little sister Heather with us this year! That was special!!
I can’t believe I am about to begin a new year in my life. 2011 seems crazy. We’ve had an eventful year and I see this next year as a great year. Some special 2010 events in no particular order include…
- Isla turned a year old.
- I went to HAWAII with one of my best friends. (I can’t think about this too much because I might uncontrollably go hop on a plane and do it again)
- I started Fresh Picd Photography and it’s been an incredible experience thus far!
- Vin got a new job and also started a business.
- We bought our first brand new car.
- Cohen started Pre-school.
- We were affirmed yet again how amazing our friends are.
- Vin and I celebrated 5 years of marriage.
- Vin and I took a vacation to Disneyland while my amazing mom stayed with our girls.
- My brother and Sil celebrated their 1st year of marriage.
- I managed to survive my first year with two kids.
So there it is. I am sure I didn’t mention everything we experienced in 2010 but those were the things I was able to think of while I try to write this and tend to my cranky 18 month.
And lastly, here are some hopes for 2011.
- I hope to spend more time with my girls.
- I hope to get a hold on my laundry.
- I hope to read more books.
- I hope to take full advantage of God’s grace this year and not rely so much on myself.
- I hope to learn to enjoy better food.
- I hope to take a family vacation.
- I hope to sew much, much more.
- I hope to get back into the gym and make a nice habit of it.
- I hope to spend more time as a family and less time wasting time.
Blessings and Happy New Year! Here are some Christmas pictures of my chaotic but cozy home!
Written on 12/13/2010
This song REALLY lifted up my spirit today. It’s amazing how God’s spirit can instantly change a weary heart. Just by simply listening to this song of praise and truth I feel hope, joy and peace. I feel His love, because of a simple song. Just goes to show when you give God an inch, He will give you a mile of His love and His peace.
Written on 12/13/2010
It’s one of those days. I’m down. I’m blue. I feel overwhelmed. I woke up with a headache. I just want to get a “real” job and stop pretending that I can do this stay-at-home-mom thing well. Why is it so hard? Why does being a SAHM (that’s easier to type) make you feel so unimportant and disrespected? Why does it feel like what I do all day doesn’t matter to anyone? Is it the hardest job in the world or just the most depressing job in the world? Yikes, did I say that? I love my girls. So much it hurts. But I don’t love the sadness I feel and the stress and anxiety that comes along with being home every day in a house that feels like the walls are caving in. And I certainly don’t love the person I am because of it.
Currently I am sitting on my bed staring down at a mountain of laundry on my bedroom floor. It just keeps growing and as it grows my anxiety grows and my joy gets squeezed out. As I walk through my house I see one huge mess after another. The girls rooms, the hall way, the stair way, the play room, the office, the garage, my CAR, our bathrooms, our laundry room. I.feel.like.I.can’t.breath.
It feels like an emotional prison. I simply can’t catch up. Not with two kids to watch over all day every day.
I’ll just cry. It helps, but it sure does make me have a bad headache.
Needing prayers much?
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