Written on 02/21/2011
This morning I woke up my sweet Cohen at my bedside. She’s just tall enough to barley peek over top of my mattress. When I rolled over and looked I saw a nest of blonde hair and two HUGE blue eye’s looking at me. This usually starts my day off well. She proceeds to grab my iphone and watch cartoons while I lay and snuggle next to her. Isla decided to sleep a bit later this morning so it was nice to have a moment to prepare for battle. She usually wakes up crying and unhappy, which kinda starts my day off on the stressful side. Once both girls were up we all headed downstairs to do our usual morning rituals. Co watches TV, Isla walks around aimlessly with her blanket in hand and thumb in her mouth. I try to avoid eye contact while I sip my coffee and peek at e-mails. Then once I am caught sitting the breakfast requests begin. This is the part in my day where I have to make some choices regarding my attitude and my heart.
One thing that seemed to really help my morning instantly was the fact that it’s beautiful and sunny outside. For some reason waking up to a gray rainy morning sets me up to feel stressed and bit on the sad side. I was thankful for the rare and refreshing blue sky this morning. Am I going to make this a good day or a bad day?
I’m leaving my mind and my heart open. I’m going to spend some time in prayer and listen to the new Hillsong United album. I am going to invite The Holy Spirit into my heart and my home this morning and see where it leads my day.
And now I am off to play “puppies” with the girls….
Joy!
K.
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Written on 02/18/2011
As you can see we are making some changes to the blog! I am VERY excited about it and it might look a bit messy until we are completely finished.
That’s all :-)
Loves!
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Written on 02/15/2011
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Written on 02/15/2011
First off. Valentine’s dinner was beyond fabulous. Although Salem isn’t exactly “the hot spot” for eating out we have scored a few diamonds in the rough. One being my favorite in town, La Capitale, an incredible French Bistro that truly focuses on using local ingredients. That’s a big deal to me (can someone say Portlandia) and it definitely makes an impact on the taste of their incredible food.
I had the opportunity to get dressed up. This is a rare occasion for me. I had my outfit all planned out and I wanted to snap some pictures of my ensamble but surprisingly (more like “as usual”) we were running WAY late and the style photo shoot did not happen. Oh well. Another time! Vin made this day very special with roses, a card from him and the girls, chocolates, and lastly a wonderful dinner. My v-day cards arrived in the mail today (of course they did, that’s just how I roll) and I spent the day with my two little wild valentines cleaning up messes, reading books, watching cartoons, making food and snuggling around the house.
Finally, 5 o clock! Vin gets home, we rush out the door, drop the girls off with my amazing Mom and off we go!
Have you seen the Movie Julie and Julia? If so have you since been DYING to try beef bourguignon? ME TOO! And that’s what I had and I am now totally obsessed with it. In fact I want some now.
Here are a few pictures we actually did take. I was happy to see my hair wasn’t nearly as big as I thought it was when I took my last and frazzled glance in the mirror on my way out the door into the pouring rain! The pictures aren’t great quality and they are a bit dark as the restaurant was dark and very romantic to boot.
Vin had a wedge salad with sliced granny smith apple, sliced radish, green onion, a house ranch with dill topped with crunchy croutons. Amazing!
My Salad had sweet diced pear, bleu cheese crumbs, the most AMAZING candied walnuts I have ever eaten, cooked shallots and the most lovely vinaigrette dressing. It was a serious party in my mouth!
If my beef bourguignon was human, we would have had a love affair. Seriously.
Vin’s free range whole chicken, green salad and honestly the most incredible, creamy, amazing, perfect macaroni and cheese ever! Holy crizap.
A perfect apple tart with vanilla ice cream and flourless chocolate cake with blood orange sauce.
And because we are totally crazy we ended with this little “for two” sampler dessert plate.
Ok. So I think I gained another couple pounds just looking at those pictures! Wow. Did I go to the gym today? Nope. Did I eat a few sugar cookies with buttercream frosting for breakfast and snack and lunch? Yes.
Ok. I hope you all had a lovely romantic Valentine’s day. I feel sad for the people who make it a “lame” day. It’s one day a year to make a little extra special and romantic for your lover (if you have one of course, and it’s probably best to be married to them :-) Lord knows I like to be romanced a bit, so I gladly welcome this day to celebrate love!
XOXO,
kesh.
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Written on 02/14/2011
Ok. There’s only been about 1000 happenings since my last blog that I haven’t blogged about. One being my 27th birthday. Ew. Not a big fan of seeing those #’s.
Ok. So yeah. I am promising a nice lengthy fully detailed blog this evening after I celebrate a delicious Valentines dinner with my wonderful Valentine (don’t tell Vin) at one of my favorite restaurants, La Capitale.
But until this I need to let out a HUGE blog SCREAM! Ready!?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Pee’d my pants a bit.
Ok. I Stinking LOVE The Pioneer Woman. She’s pretty much everything every woman wants to be. She’s amazing. Her blog is wonderful and inspiring, she has recipes that make my mouth water before I even see them, she is an amazing photographer and she’s just cool.
She does photography contests here and there and will give out a “Photo Topic” for people to submit their photos. This time it was “Love” hence the fact that it’s Valentine’s week. I love submitting my photos. I NEVER even imagine her choosing one I just enjoy being a part of the fun.
Here’s the exciting part. I submit a photo I took of this lovely couple last Summer. I check the photo picks for day one. Not there. Nor did I really expect it. I mean come on! I do love seeing the photos she picks though. They are truly captivating!
Day two. In the midst of chaos and lunch time in my home I take a quick break from changing a hugely poopy diaper and my other daughter asking for cookies to take a peek at my google reader. I see “Group 2″ on the Pioneer Woman’s blog so I very casually check it out and….
Holy be-jeezes! THERE’S MY LITTLE OL’ PICTURE! I pooped a little, screamed a little, danced a lot, burned my hand while trying to finish cooking grilled cheese sandwiches, had food in one hand and my phone in the other trying to text my hubby…. ok you get the picture. I was excited.
Out of over 150,000 photos submitted she liked mine. She put it on her blog, second from the top.
So please, share in my excitement and go on over to her blog and check out the Group 2 photos. Second photo down by keshasflickr.
One other little tid bit that makes this so much more special… it was my Dad’s birthday. I can’t help but feel emotional and extremely thankful for such a wonderful gift to take my mind away from missing my Dad so bad.
Thank you Ree. You made this simple girls day!
<3,
Kesha.
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Written on 02/01/2011
Even with a cold, my little 24/7 ballerina doesn’t stop dancing. She dances and dances and dances. She twirls here, and she twirls there. Isla tries to copy Cohen’s slick moves but usually ends up falling into a sharp corner. I’m so encouraged by her joy and when I look at her dancing without a care in the world I am inspired to love her even more madly than I already do.
I am reading a great book suggested by one of my readers. It’s convicting in the most hurtful way but it’s good for me. I need a kick in the butt when it comes to raising two wonderful little girls. I find myself falling into “poor me” way too often. My life’s focus should be about raising my girls to know and love Jesus, and more importantly showing them His love. That’s not always easy when my patience is worn so thin I can hardly even stand to hear the word “mom” come out of their mouths because I know it means, “I need something”
Obviously they need something. They need everything. They’re helpless without me and they deserve everything I have to give them. All my sweet girls do is love me. No matter what, they show me love. They aren’t tough, they don’t lash out, they just give me immense love. All I can do is pray I can love them in the same way.
There is something so special about Cohen. (There’s something special about both my girls but I’m giving Co the spotlight today)
She is so outgoing. She makes a new friend wherever she is. The moment we arrive anywhere she’s scoping out her next BFF. She’s extremely sensitive and kind. She’s a huge encourager and is always affirming both Vin and me with her encouraging words.
“Mom, thank you so much for cleaning!”
“Dad, you are so handsome.”
You get the picture. And she’s not even old enough to “want” things so I truly believe this is a spiritual gift I see in her. I want to build her up and help her blossom.
I found out recently a sweet 18 month old baby from our church, whose mother I am friends with, became very ill very suddenly. He was transferred to Doernbecher. He was there for days, exhausted, sick, weak, his life was in the hands of the Doctors. His mom had no idea if these were her last moments with his sweet presence. Luckily he is ok. They tested for leukemia and are 90% sure it’s just a bad virus that spread into his blood. But what about the 10%? My mind and heart have been consumed by this situation. I pray and pray and pray for God’s loving mercy on baby Isaac. I beg God to heal his tiny body and allow his mother to raise him up to be a godly man. I pray for my kids, that God would show me mercy and protect them from this very happening.
The truth is, I am in the midst of a war zone. I see tragedies happen to people I know all the time, specifically with their children. I am not invincible nor are my children. I could wake up one day and get the news no mother can even bear to think of. All that matters in life is love. Loving God, loving your children, loving life etc. We waste so much time, money and energy on stuff to make us happy. Our lives should be happy because God has shown us mercy today. We aren’t ever guaranteed tomorrow.
So, go kiss your babies, your husband and thank God for His goodness, mercy and protection.
Sing like no one’s listening, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching, and live like its heaven on earth.
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Written on 01/16/2011
I’m a bit of a dreamer. I look forward to things to help me get through day after day. Whether it be an impending vacation, or purchase for my home it’s a way for me to look beyond the mundane and see hope. It might sound shallow but I think any human, especially a woman, does this to some degree. I know I’ve complained to Vin countless times that I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Then I am on a mission to create something to look forward to.
I wish I could see Christ this way. I wish I could really, truly long for heaven. I feel like because earth is all I know and understand I long for things here. I look forward to saving up for a new purse, or I look forward to a vacation with Vin. Which I don’t believe any of these things are bad to look forward to but I do believe I must long for heaven first. I think I am afraid if I allow myself to fall completely and fully in love with the idea of heaven and what I can do to better Christ’s kingdom I will lose myself. I will no longer live in my little safe robotic bubble. I’m afraid of the conviction I will feel and where it will lead me. I am afraid of losing my treasures on earth and exchanging them for treasures in heaven. I am afraid of how how involved I’ll get in the battle for Christ and heaven. I’m afraid to lose control.
Matthew 6.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Did you read that last part…
“Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”
Yep. A knife straight to the heart. Conviction city.
Where and what is your treasure? It truly does lead to your heart. And I know for me I have way too many treasures on earth.
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Written on 01/14/2011
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walkthrough the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
I read my blog over and over, and I kinda cringed each time. I do want to be honest with my feelings and emotions and I want to show other moms how God works in my life as a mom. I’d like to say though,
Shame on me.
Not for puking my emotions all over my blog but for allowing them to get to a point where I am blinded by the lies satan loves to throw at me and I am unable to see what goodness and richness surround me.
The reason I feel the way I do some days is because I allow myself to drift from God’s hand and I begin to fall down a rough and rocky cliff. I begin to believe a lie that my life would be better if… or I would be happier if… etc. In 24 hours God has grabbed me and He has gently laid me down in a lush green pasture. For a moment He allowed my mind to be free from the garbage and the selfishness. He poured feelings of forgiveness, love, peace and strength into my spirit. For a moment I saw what my life is and not what I have made it according to my rocky emotions. I believe God loves me and He wants me to experience all the joy that is available in my life, right now. Which is a lot.
All He asks of me is to trust Him. All He asks of me is to lay my emotions and feelings of sadness, stress, anxiety at His feet. He wont force His mercy upon me. It’s my choice to receive it each and every day.
I love this verse in Lamentations 3:22-23.
The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
Being a mother, I truly could not ask for a better opportunity to trust God and receive His gentle loving kindness. He has put me in a place of reliance on Him and I am grateful. If my life were easy I wouldn’t need to embrace God so much and in turn I feel as though I would really be missing out on a huge chance to grow closer to Him and become the godly woman He desires.
I’m learning and I’m so thankful for the amazing friends who read this blog and support me, even if I seem like a lunatic.
Thanks,
Kesha.
4 Comments »
Written on 01/13/2011
Can we balance a job outside the home and also be a “full” time mom effectively? When a mom works outside the home, she is in a sense allowing someone else to raise her child. She no longer becomes the first care taker, she becomes the second care taker. She leaves her job at home to fulfill another job. But, is it unbiblical to leave your children to go work outside the home?
On the flip side, I know a lot of stay at home moms who feel depressed, taken for granted, disrespected, unappreciated, etc. The thought of escaping life at home to a place where you feel respected, appreciated, effective, where you can actually engage in adult conversation, forget about the stress and worries at home and do something you enjoy is unbelievably tempting and easily justified because of the money and the fact that it “makes me a better mom.” I find this way of life very tempting. I do believe I would be a better mom if I could get out of my house and pursue a job that I felt more confident at. But, Is it OK with God? Are we avoiding the huge job he has given us when we chose to have children?
When we choose to stay home with our kids we literally hand our life, our plans, our dreams and our worries to God. We live every day trusting God to keep us sane and joyful. We are put in such a place that forces us to rely on God unlike any other circumstance. It’s the hardest job in the world for a reason. Whether you’re Spunky Sally, Joyfull Jill, Depressed Deb, or Tired Tina. This job is the hardest job for any mother when you completely give up your own life to do it.
But….
I believe it is meant to be the most rewarding, fulfilling, joyful job in the world when we are doing it with Christ in mind. When we choose to be a stay at home mom to serve God it becomes a full time ministry. Even allowing God to make staying home and raising kids feel like an incredible blessing seems as hard as staying home!
My problem/s.
A lot of days I want a job so I can escape. I envy my friends who have a job and do escape. Their days at home are filled with happiness, contentment, fun, etc. They are rejuvenated and ready to be home with their kids because they aren’t so burned out from being with them every second of every day. It’s like they know they have a light at the end of the tunnel when their work week starts up again. *wiping the drool on my chin
Me. I wake up each morning to two children who are usually grumpy and crying about something. And there’s no guarantee I will even smell fresh air that day. Usually my only adult conversation is when my husband comes home or if my Mom calls me. I fight feelings of depression, anxiety, guilt, frustration towards my kids, bitterness towards my husband for getting to go to a job (Darn him for providing for his family, right?) And I whine and complain about all the dreams I had before my children came and messed up my potential life.
When I get out to run errands, I’m even tempted to snag an application for Safeway. Even checking people’s groceries seems way more satisfying than being home with my kids 24/7. I imagine chatting with customers, making new friends with my co-workers, feeling like I matter a little for doing something, hearing “thank you” on a regular basis.
I do dream about owning a business someday, or going back to school once my kids are in school. My biggest question is if God is ok with it. How will I know?
I hope I didn’t offend anyone on this blog. I respect every mother, working full time in the home or mixing work outside the home and inside the home. I know there are a ton of moms who would die to stay home full time, and I feel badly when I complain about my time at home with my kids. But, we are all different, we handle life differently. God leads us in different paths and works in different ways in our lives. I’m sure I glamorize working outside the home as much as a working mom glamorizes staying home full time. The one thing I want is to know what is right to God.
Why is it so hard to see what God wants of me? Or even more, why is it so hard to trust Him? To be still before Him.
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Written on 01/10/2011
I love coffee. I love waking up and enjoying a hot cup of the liquid pleasure. How often I actually enjoy a hot cup is unknown. This morning a hot cup of coffee with delicious cream was my only motivation for getting out of my warm bed and walking downstairs to make breakfast for the girls and clean up the mess left from the night before. (By the way, am I the only one who seems to have FOOD crumbs ALL over their carpet on an hourly basis? My vacuum is definitely not going hungry)
I sluggishly walked down stairs, turned on the cartoons, tripped on several toys and miscellaneous sippy cups on my way into the kitchen, said a few light profanities in my head, reached for my ‘I heart Mom’ mug and proceeded to brew my cup-o-joe only to find when I went to grab the half and half that we were OUT. Crap……. Erghh. Whole milk it is. I even started to pout a little and whine to Cohen about how not cool whole milk is in coffee. This really helped.
I grabbed my coffee and began to walk towards my comfy chair trying to dodge direct eye contact from Isla coming at me with her blanky in hand and thumb in her mouth. This is cute and all but a big baby wiggling around on my lap kinda cramps my style of trying to drink a nice fresh HOT cup of coffee effectively and thoroughly. I was unsuccessful. We snuggle for a few minutes. I sit and watch the steam rising off my coffee slowly begin to diminish. My eye’s get big. Isla decides she sees something more entertaining than my lap and slides off to make a mess with a fork and bowl of crusted brownie bits. What’s a few more crumbs on my carpet? I sit down. I notice Isla walking out of the closet drinking a mysterious beverage. I yelp, she drops it, it spills. Cohen is begging for some milk because she’s thirsty. Isla starts choking. Cohen spilled her milk. Isla has my iphone and drops it on the wood floor. Cohen wants to watch Diego saves the baby Condor. I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Ah!
Martha Speaks captures the attention of the two little drama queens. Alas! I can drink that coffee I just brewed about 10 minutes ago!
Luke warm/cold.
I’m off to the microwave!
But first to the bathroom to see why the toilet paper is creeping from around the corner!
This face speaks a thousand words.
Mysterious beverage.
Crumbs.
Cohen mad at me taking her picture. She’s definitely my daughter!
My lonely coffee… getting colder by the second.
Crusted brownie and fork.
Jealous yet?
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